I’m still here. And I’m still sane.
I have been sleeping, knitting, and recovering. With the emphasis on sleeping. The doctor cleared me to go back to walking, so I did. After a 30 minute walk on my treadmill, I took a one hour nap. I think I still have a way to go on the recovering. In the meantime, I think I’ll go knit something.
Here’s the progress on my scarf. I finished it this evening, exactly one week from starting it. This is a nice simple pattern that a friend from my knitting group gave to me. Along with the really nice Malabrigo yarn. It’s a nice combination of merino wool, so my allergies don’t act up.
This scarf has a nice bit of green in it that matches the hat that Nicole made for me last year. It goes really well together.
It’s been a nice journey knitting this scarf. I started it with nothing in my head except to “do something” to stop thinking about what I didn’t want to really think about. Then, as I thought, and cried, about what I was going through, the repetitive nature of the pattern was a great way to be able to think while my hands had something to keep me busy. As my body recovered and made its way out of the stupor, it’s been a really nice way to give me something to do besides dwell on the loss of our baby.
I’ve decided that I will keep the scarf as a reminder of this child that will never be. While it may make me cry, I think that it will be a good thing that I have something so personal as a good memory of the time I spent with this baby. It will also be a good reminder of everyone; family and friends, who have come to sit with me, call me on the phone, and otherwise offer their well wishes and prayers. Because everyone I have talked to has had a little moment with this scarf. I haven’t put it down long enough for anyone to miss being a part of the knitting of this simple little garment.
Thank you to everyone who has sent a prayer our way. We really appreciate all the good thoughts.